The last few weeks in our home can be summed up in a statement I made to my husband earlier this week when he asked about the half decorated Easter eggs in the kitchen.
"I haven't had time for anything besides parenting!"
Which is exactly how I've been feeling.
While I'm not comfortable discussing the specifics of the challenges which my children are facing here, I do want this blog to be a place where I document our lives.
Right now we have really hard moments interspersed with beautiful sweet moments which enable me to keep "parenting". Because I do feel that despite the difficult situations I'm facing where I feel completely overwhelmed and under qualified as a parent; I do think that the efforts worth it when we witness these precious moments when I see the sweet little people our children are.
Today I spent an additional 30 minutes at the table with Ethan because he wouldn't eat a piece of pizza.
I felt like screaming "Pizza?! You're a kid! Kids love pizza!". He could not make up his mind whether to leave the pizza or to eat it to get a piece of chocolate like he'd seen me eating. Unfortunately he saw me sneak a piece and when asked I said it was because I'd eaten my pizza...Oh how I wish I'd given him a square just then!
He then proceeded to have a full out tantrum because he wanted to keep his clothes on for bed. I tried the calm compromise of leaving his top on but he would NOT be reasoned with. This tantrum did not stop even after we put him down to sleep (with pajama bottoms and shirt on, his jeans had playdough covering them which was the rel reason I didn't want him wearing them to bed).
It wasn't until a couple of minutes after the kids were both quiet that I went upstairs to check on them, having calmed down myself too.
That's when I heard his cry-breathing sleep.
If you know the kind I'm talking about you probably also know the instant mum-guilt associated with this kind of breathing. It's pretty much the disjointed breathing you get when a child cries, but without the crying. And it happens while they're fully asleep.
It's pretty heartbreaking.
So I sat with him and stroked his face and whispered how I love him. I told him how special he is to me and how sorry I was for being cross.
His breathing slowly came back to normal sleep-breathing. And I thought about how I wish I could pick my battles better - or even know which issues would become battles later!
Although it's tricky for us right now to get our parenting right and adjust to out children's needs, I'm acutely aware of how easy we have it in so many ways. Although these seem like big challenges to us, I know that there are so many people out there who have far worse or who have far more difficult challenges than we do.
For now, while my children sleep peacefully, I want to remember those sweet moments we share.
Ethan thanking me for making dinner, after eating the aforementioned thirty minutes pizza.
Izzy telling me she loves me while looking up at me and smiling.
Ethan writing his first letter. It was a "n".
How excited Izzy was to tell us about the Easter bunny's visit to their classroom and how she wanted to show her little brother the footprints she'd found.
That two days ago my nearly-three-year-old fell asleep while I cuddled him, then woke up slowly next to me smiling and touching my face.
I'm so blessed to share in those precious moments with them and given the choice I'd still deal with the tantrums, crying and challenges because I'd know that those sweet moments and sweet kids more than make up for it.