If you saw me today

I would have been the one at 3.12pm rushing into the playground carrying my less than happy two-and-a-half year old son.

The mum that had an unintentional side pony and smudged mascara.

The one that was thrilled that school was three minutes late letting the kids out because she'd fallen asleep on the sofa with said two year old following a 4am wake up.

But I would also be the one craning to see her big girl in the queue waiting for a hug.

The one who didn't notice she was a mess until a lot later.

But who got to notice this sticker first.

Yes, that would be a sticker from "the sticker lady", aka headteacher.

And yes, this would be one incredibly proud mum. 

You see, she doesn't tell me too much about her days right after school. But this was big news. She was SO pleased that the head teacher had been told about her being particularly kind. 

And she is. Innately kind. Even when I tell her no she can't have another chocolate after school, and she stamps her foot and yells "Well you're not invited to my party any more!". Once I laugh, and ask "How will you have a party then, if your mummy isn't there?", and then she smiles and tells me in her sweetest voice that I can come...even then. Because I know she's four. And that as an adult I struggle with emotions, so does she. 

We got cross at each other yesterday.

I'm not proud. But I gave her a minute to calm down and I went to her room and held her close. That really is an amazing way to get rid of stress. 

I said I thought I knew why she was a bit grumpy. She clearly hadn't been having enough cuddles with me now she was so busy with school. And when she looked up into my eyes, smiling, and told me she thought that was it, that made my heart happy. And we hugged for a good long time. 

And maybe I'm a little overly emotional tonight, because she is being really grown up and having a sleep over with grandma and grandpa, and it always feels strange having an empty bed. I don't know if that ever stops being strange!